Monday, September 12, 2005

If you don't vote, don't campaign

It's been sort of requested that I bother blogging. Lack of bloggage, you can put down to mental exhaustion. My highest level of involvement in the election campaign for the last week has been swearing at the Labour Party for making me remove the plastic wrap from their junk mail before I could throw it in the recycling with everyone else's. The Greens' pamphlet had at least already been through the recycling once.

Pamphlet. I think it's all been said, really. Brash's "I know nothing!" denials brought back my favourite memories of Hogan's Heroes, and then later in the week, I got to relive my teenage years. "Oh, those pamphlets. I thought you meant some other pamphlets. Um, okay, yeah, I did it, but only once. Okay, maybe three times. But I didn't inhale."

We're well past sublime and into ridiculous now, and I for one will be bloody glad to go vote on Saturday and get the whole thing over with. Well, alright, except for however long negotiations take this time round. The only things that have raised me out of 'enough already' lately were;
  • my daughter's assertion that Peter Dunne has very silly hair
  • the Destiny NZ ad the other night during the news, which stood out because their guy was standing in front of a mirror, in which his reflection did not appear. Suddenly, it all makes sense...
At this point, there's really only one thing to do to get you through the remaining week, including the last Leaders' Debate, and that's make a drinking game. Seriously, this worked fine for me with both ST:TNG and Teletubbies.

(At this point, I should add a disclaimer. Drinking games are childish and unhealthy. Please always drink rebonsibiply.)

So, from now on, it's a drink if:

  • a politician on the back foot accuses the media of bias
  • somebody calls somebody else "silly"
  • a Wellington Central candidate is assaulted
  • Don does that 'no no no no no' thing while flapping his hands about
  • Rodney Hide crashes a photo op
  • Don has to be told when someone's joking
  • everyone has to be told when Don's joking
  • the phrase "my wife is Singaporean" is heard again (I just kind of miss this)
  • Peter Dunne lies about Green policy and then claims it's a 'figure of speech'
  • somebody uses the phrases 'family values', 'hard-working New Zealanders', 'clean and green'
  • a politician slags one of their opponents off by accusing them of indulging in dirty or personality politics.

Full beverage if:
  • during the debate, Clark cracks and tells John Campbell what she thinks of him
  • Don is removed from the debate after a tricky question because he's "late for an appointment"
  • Winston loses his seat (as many full drinks as you feel are warranted)
  • Rodney Hide doesn't lose his (ditto)
  • Peter Dunne's hair actually moves
  • God enters the campaign for real
Contributions in the comments box please.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks good ! I wll be back



9:57 pm  
Blogger Comrade_Tweek said...

Hmmm...agree with the criteria for drinking. If the Centre left get another term in this country (60 years since the last) I'll be drinking.

PS: A friend of mine who I suspect that you know (QF) would like to get in touch could you email him?

7:38 pm  
Anonymous TP said...

can I jsut drink anyway?

5:48 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work » »

5:39 am  

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